Tenth Avenue North. If you haven't heard of the band, you need to. I am not a music fanatic by any means, but their songs have gotten me through many hard days and many lonely nights. A line from their song, "By Your Side" goes like this: "Please don't fight these hands that are holding you". It gets me every time I listen to it because I don't usually think about all the ways I resist God. But by not trusting him to lead me to what is best for me, I am fighting him. He is the ultimate husband. If I can't trust God's leadership, how can I trust another man's? Obviously I still have a lot to work on.
Lately I have been struggling with feeling like a failure. Insecurities abound every time I look in the mirror. I feel like I failed my family by being engaged to someone and now having broken up with him. I feel like I failed myself in choosing a partner who wasn't right for me. And my insecurities win more than I would like them to.
I have tried to be proactive about this, such as exercising more, and going to therapy. But as with every aspect of my life I am severely impatient. I want change to happen right now. It kind of goes like this, "I want to stop being in pain right now", "I want to be a size 4 again right now", "I want someone to be interested in me right now", and so on and so forth.
Contentment in the in-between times of my life is very difficult. But God is teaching me that he is calling everyone to that. Whether you are in between jobs, or sizes, God wants you to turn and praise him with where you are. I need to work on praising him when I'd rather complain, and be content with what he's giving me now rather than focus on what he hasn't. I heard a sermon online today and the pastor said, "satan wants you to focus on your restrictions" because when you do that, you miss out on what you have.
When we are in between God knows our struggle. And even when we are not happy with the way things are right now we can trust that the Lord ordered our lives for a reason, for his purpose, and for his glory. As soon as we stop fighting him we have the freedom to look and see what God is teaching us by having us here.
Because everything about my life seems parallelled to the Argentine Tango, the line of lyrics you picked especially made me connect hardcore to what you said about God leading and being the ultimate husband!! GREAT POST. I'm struggling to put into words how much I enjoyed it!
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